A Much Needed Getaway

I had been aching the whole year to just get away from it all… work, school, and medical stuff.   I initially wanted to visit my favorite place in Mexico—San Miguel de Allende but with my open wound, I knew that it would be hard to leave the country especially if I needed immediate medical attention.  It has been unpredictable with the infection.  What was similar to San Miguel de Allende is another favorite place—Santa Fe, New Mexico where there are urgent care centers that I could go to if I needed to.  I made it happen despite some obstacles.

April Carver, the main character of the TV series, Chasing Life, learned in her ongoing battle with Leukemia that traveling is soothing for her soul.  She managed to get away to a tropical destination.  And then she went to Italy.  The need to get away was nourishing for her just like it was for me.

I wanted to do it before the year ended.  My company gives me a bank of time-off days.  Those could be used for sick leave or vacation.  They are mine to use up.  Up until this year, I have been religiously saving those days for vacations.  I had the luxury of showing up to work with a bad cold because I worked remotely in the comforts of my pajamas and on my laptop, sometime in my bed even!  This year, I ended up using a lot of those days for medical leave (surgeries and recovery, visits to oncologists, tests, etc, etc.)   Just seeing my own time-off report for this year was like a stab to the heart.  I haven’t had a chance to play nor relax!

One of the biggest obstacles was the surgery I had two weeks ago.  I woke up in the recovery room in extreme pain.  I was wondering to myself how I could even possibly go on a vacation in nine days.  My surgeon who I have come to consider overly zealous said that I would be fine the next day.  I was not.  I was hurting and adjusting to the hole that required a routine of care.  I was walking with my back down because it simply hurt too much to stand straight up.  I felt like my recovery was like the process of evolution.  The picture below perfectly sums my process of recovery. 

It took me a few days to fully stand up without any stabbing pain.  Another challenge is being comfortable with sitting for an extended period of time.  I knew that I had quite a trip from Baltimore to Denver then to Albuquerque then back the same route.  I was hurting when I got to Albuquerque last Wednesday.  I was typing part of this blog entry on my last flight from Denver to Baltimore last Sunday.  And I feel pretty good.  I will be landing in an hour.  I was frustrated that the flight was delayed almost three hours due to some mechanical issues with the plane.  I spent four hours in the Denver airport walking around and standing which gave my wound a relief and made this final leg home easier. 

I had scheduled a steep hike in the vacation schedule.  I also scheduled advanced yoga classes.  Those had to be cancelled.  I was disappointed but was surprised that I was not bored at all.  I was really enjoying the trip and my dear friend’s company having culinary adventures, exploring arts, and walking around the old town. 

I attended a therapy yoga class with a favorite teacher.  I have struggled to return to yoga after my second surgery.  I would try and find I was still too weak here and there.   A therapy yoga class is designed for those with specific physical ailments or illnesses.  It was the perfect class.  I did not have to do any sitting poses because those hurt.  She however had me do Supta Baddha Konasana.  

I was resistant to that particular pose because this past year it has felt like I had to spread my legs for too many doctors.  Doctor visits have become an invasion of privacy for me.  I felt violated repeatedly.  Now in yoga, I was to spread my legs too!  Agh.  I challenged myself to go for it and… it WAS healing.  I had control.  It was a positive experience.  After starting with that, she challenged me to do some standing poses.  I was surprised I could do some standing poses without causing any harm to my wound.  That whole class was like a booster to my self-esteem.  I had thought I am a wimp in yoga.  I left feeling more confident that my ability to do challenging poses is still there.  I just have to push myself.  The next day, I went back.  And…  I did a headstand for four FULL minutes.  I was not timing myself but the teacher was and praised me for doing it.  That was my first headstand since I got diagnosed with cancer.  YAY!  I was surprised and beaming with pride.  

I ignored protests from some friends and decided to go with my surgeon’s advice, “You can do whatever you want to if you feel comfortable,” I decided to go to a spa resort with natural hot tubs.  My surgeon said I could do whatever I wanted to as long as I kept the “hole” clean and dry.  She said I could swim!  I am still nervous about dipping in the pool with chemicals.  But… hot tubs with water from natural sources in the mountains couldn’t hurt.  I was surprised at how fast the wound healed.  I later learned that the water was high in magnesium and sulfate which Epsom salts also contain.  Part of my daily routine of taking care of wound is taking a bath with Epsom salts at least twice a day.  I went to the spa twice and it was soothing and healing. 

I wanted to stay away from reality but… my reality is looking better with each passing day so it’s time to live again.   I came back home and returned to work on Monday.  I went back to playing racquetball and loved it.  Yesterday, at the two-week post-op appointment, my surgeon said I was healing well and the wound is closing.  The infection is forever gone.  I no longer can see the flesh.  I can see the skin layers coming together from bottoms up.  Tomorrow, I am challenging my fear and will jump in a pool to do laps again.  I am quite nervous about it but I know I will be okay. 

Santa Fe was not just a vacation for me—to get away from it all.  It was also a place where I could begin healing and regain confidence in myself.  Onward.