A Birthday Post

A dear friend sent me a video message today wishing me a happy birthday.  The English translation of her message in ASL was as follows:

"Wow.  What a year! Crazy! You survived one more year.  You experienced grieving, heartbreak, and suffering.  And you still showed your strength, resiliency, and your internal Amazon woman spirit.  I love you for who you are and your fight and your willingness and capability to explain your experience to help me better understand my world as well as your world.  Happy birthday from one of your dear friends.  Thank you for your friendship.  I love you."   

Yep... what a year.  This particular birthday feels bittersweet to me.

I am in Minnesota for a conference this week.  This morning's plenary speaker is currently fighting metastatic stage 4 colon cancer.  Her presentation hit me hard for many reasons.  I am sure I will discuss specifics of her presentation in future posts as I process those with more time.  She said one thing that resonated with me on my birthday.  She said that there's no such thing as being cancer-free.  Doctors say that just to mean that they did series of treatments to stop the cancer for the time-being.  The cancer is just in remission for now.   It could come back to haunt a survivor later down the road, whether it is a few months or two decades.  I sat there quietly and wondered to myself, "When will the cancer come back?  Will it come back?"  She explained that there's no cure which was exactly what I posted a few months ago.  There are treatments that stop the cancer from acting up for a certain period of time.  She described those treatments as a way to prolong your life.  True.

After getting my diagnosis five months ago, I did not think I would see my next birthday.  I did not think I would make it to this historic conference which is the first ever Deaf Interpreters Conference.  Yet, I submitted a proposal to present at this conference and I got accepted.  They asked me to finalize program book materials two weeks after my surgery.  I was heavily drugged as I threw everything together.  I will present tomorrow on one of my research studies.  I will just keep on living and thriving.  I don't know if I will see my next birthday.  It is not a guarantee for any of us anyway, cancer or not.  I can just take it a day at a time.  I can focus on making it a great day.  And the reality is, that's the best I can do.