My recovery process continues as I continue to ponder on lessons learned from this experience. I have some reflections that I want to write about in my blog down the road. Some posts take time to develop. Some posts are instantaneous. I met a woman at a gathering last night that made me feel like I wanted to write this post as soon as possible. This post is not entirely about her per se but what she represented, namely the individuals I have met during this journey.
During this process, I have had people judge me for the choices I made. Assumptions were made. Labels and diagnoses were made. "Endometrial cancer- no biggie! It's not aggressive." "You should do this", "you should do that." You do not know my whole story to make any judgmental calls. You just don't know. Butt out.
My name is Naomi. I grew up in a home that banned soda and emphasized healthy eating. Fast food joints were frowned upon. At age 20, I decided to keep up with the latest research studies about how to prevent cancer and any diseases. I was determined to live a long, healthy life. Granted I'm not perfect. I do not drink pop. I do not drink alcohol excessively. I do not smoke. I do not do drugs. I avoid fast food places as much as possible. I avoid restaurants with bad rap sheets according to Center on the Science of Public Interest. When I travel, I religiously take my lunch bag with healthy, hydrating food/ snacks (i.e. salads, cucumber, bell peppers). I do not eat red meat often. I avoid processed food. I avoid food with chemicals and antibiotics. I cook practically everything from scratch. As I am typing this post, I am eating an arugula salad with grapefruit, orange, fennel, and avocado topped with mint-parsley-EVOO-lemon dressing. Yum. A few years ago, I decided to start drinking what people call, "That green goop," or "what the heck is that green crap?!" It is a vegetable smoothie made of spinach, chard, kale, broccoli, cucumber, celery, purple cabbage, ginger root, and pure coconut water. I find that it's a great energy booster for the afternoon slump. It keeps my mind alert and fresh. And it's a great source of fiber. It took a while for me to grow used to it. I work out. I swim. I walk. I do yoga. I play racquetball. My weaknesses: chocolate and gourmet food.
Yet I got cancer. What the heck!?! I remember I was so angry when I found out. I did not want to drink the green goop anymore. I wanted to eat junk food. What was the point?! Drinking the green goop and eating healthily is part of who I am. I eventually returned to my habits because they made me feel good. They made my body feel good on the inside. I would never understand why I got cancer. It did not make sense. I tried everything to avoid cancer. Oh well.
Back to the point... the woman last night. She was talking about how she had pre-cancerous cells found in her cervix. Her ob/gyn wanted to do surgery. She refused. She said that she turned things around by eating better and did some chakra cleansing. Then she went on to say that cancer is really nothing. Cancer exists to wake us up to signal to us that we are doing something wrong with our lives. She described that surgery, chemotherapy, and radiation were forms of escape from facing your own negative energies. She went on to talk down to me about chakra as if I was someone who knew nil. I stopped her and said that I knew about chakras. She said, "Oh it's okay if you already had surgery... you still can do something about your issues." Yep, she was a tad too preachy and harsh. I walked outside for a breather. It was just TOO soon after my surgery to hear this. To hear that someone thought I made the wrong choice. Making the choice to do the surgery was one of the most difficult decisions I ever had to make. I still agonize over that decision up to this day. I had the bad kind of endometrial cancer. If I had a better kind of cancer, I might have chosen a different route. I lost my motivation to play the game with the ladies last night. And it was my favorite game. Dang.
I have had some moments where I blurted out things and then immediately wish I could take them back. This kind of experience makes me become more mindful about what I say and do. Of course, I still struggle with this. It's an ongoing process. Being a good person is a work in progress, constantly. I dislike unwelcome and unwanted opinions and advice. You do not know my whole story. You are not walking in my own shoes. Please be mindful before you make claims. Be mindful when you talk about something as sensitive as cancer because you never know the person sitting next to you may just survived a battle with cancer. Be kind. Be open. Be observant. Listen. Do not tell. Do not judge. Do not be condescending.
This experience made me feel like I wanted to step back in my safe little bubble and stay there to avoid any social situations in which I may end up crossing paths with people who made me feel like shit for the decisions I made. It feels safer to stay there than being slapped in the face. Oh yeah... one of those decisions involved saving my own life. Uhm... I thought that was a good thing, no? Hmm. Onward.
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