Week 4 came with me pushing myself a bit too far too soon on top of being at work for my second week since the surgery. I am very aware that I still cannot lift anything over ten pounds for a few more weeks and I can't bend down too much. I think I am getting better at squatting! I agreed to teach a yoga workshop- a commitment I made before I found out I had cancer. I did not fully demonstrate the poses as I am not supposed to do practically any yoga poses yet except for the corpse pose. Let's say I used more classifiers in that 1.5-hour workshop than I have in a few months. :-) I also drove for the first time on Monday under Mike's supervision. It is easy to drive around in Annapolis which is a small city. Everything is within 5-10 minutes from home. Driving to DC on Wednesday proved to be a challenge. Driving a big truck today was too difficult for me as more core strength is required to drive that big thing! I think I will stick with my little coupe for a good while. :-)
I went back to interpreting on Wednesday evening because I did not want to leave my team alone and they could not find a substitute. I was not ready to interpret again. The chair was not comfortable for me to sit in. And the mental processing, omigosh! I was so exhausted midway. The drive back home was tough for me and the pain came back. I crashed when I got home. It was also the last time I took my pain medication. Yay me. I started taking my medication as needed rather on a regular schedule about 10 days ago. If the pain is too unbearable and continues for more than 30 minutes, I pop a pill. Narcotics really made my mind fuzzy and I hated that. Being on narcotics for a bit more than three weeks was too long for me.
My body is doing weird things. The urinary tract infection is gone. But the fluid build up has not gone away yet. My internist looked at it last week noting that it was small and would eventually go away. I learned that since I kept my ovaries, I would still experience monthly cycles but not menstruate up until "menopause" when my hormones naturally change with age. I think that last week was the week I was supposed to have my period. I was having my typical PMS symptoms. Instead of cramps, I had sore breasts. I hope that it does not become a monthly thing because I hated that. I also had a migraine headache for a few days. I only had migraine headaches twice in my whole life and those were when I was really exhausted. It was my body's way of signalling to me to rest. I hope that the migraine was not a symptom of the monthly cycle but a way to remind myself to slow down as I did a bit too much too soon. I suppose I will find out in four weeks.
Another thing... the swollen belly which the HysterSisters call "swelly belly". This reminds me of the time when I tore my ankle ligament a few years ago. After getting done with the air cast, if I did too much, my ankle swells at the end of the day. I used my ankle as an indicator of whether I did too much that day. Well... the same is true for my belly. If I did too much, my belly swells more. It did that on Wednesday evening. I have been carefully monitoring my belly. Today I think I did too much because I am sitting here with a swollen belly as I type this. The "swelly belly" will continue for up to three to six months. Ugh. The fluid build up is more apparent if I do too much. Yes those things annoy me but it is fascinating how our bodies naturally reminds us to slow down. And it is up to us to listen.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Tuesday, April 21, 2015
Emotional Recovery
I continue to talk with my HysterSisters on a daily basis. We don't just talk about the physical aspects of recovering from the surgery. We talk about the emotional aspect as well. Some of them had both of their ovaries removed so they are experiencing surgical menopause. That comes with a sudden change in hormones causing some emotional ups and downs. Some of them had one ovary removed. That comes with emotional ups and downs as well. Like some women, I kept both of my ovaries. However, it is common for the ovaries to go into 'shock' temporarily because they are now alone in the body without the rest of the reproductive system. The HysterSisters and I talk about how we seem to cry more after the surgery. We know it is part of the hormonal changes we are going through. Like one day I was watching a movie that had a touching ending but I started sobbing so hard and asked Mike for a hug. One HysterSister spoke of how she cried at an advertisement on the TV. Very random. Some of them cry about sex. We discuss our fears of having sex again and whether it will be different. Sometime if we were told hurtful things, we cry more than how we usually would if we did not have the surgery.
We talk about how we were told by people that we would get help during recovery only to find out people did not follow through. We feel hurt and confused. As I mentioned in earlier posts, I do not like to ask for help. No way am I going to follow up with people who said they would help. I figured they had other things going on in their lives. I am blessed with whatever help I can get when people are ready to offer the help.
One HysterSister vented yesterday about how her husband told her on Sunday that she needed to pull her weight around the house and told her to bath the dog, do laundry, and go food shopping. This was during our week 3 recovery (I am now starting week 4). She knew that she needed to take it easy but... felt obliged. As a result, she was in horrible pain and started bleeding. If she continues to bleed, she will need a repair surgery. :( I have not heard from her today and I worry about her. I hope she is okay.
This morning, I vented to the group. One woman who knows about my cancer had the audacity to say to my face last night that I would never understand because I was never a mother. That was a slap in the face for me. I do feel sorry for her that she has so much anger inside her to say such mean, hurtful things. I told her that it was not a nice thing to say before the conversation ended. I do hope that she somehow makes peace with her own anger so she stop spewing such harm to others. What helped me today was talking about the situation with the HysterSisters. Comforting words from them that I am copying and pasting here to serve as a reminder for myself as I work through this.
"I am so sorry she said that to you. I, too, always heard those, 'not a real mom' type comments. So hurtful, and so wrong. It bothers me that someone would make them in the first place, but especially right now when you are recovering from this life-changing surgery. Giving birth doesn't make you mother. Love makes you a mother."
"Sending you big hugs. Know that there are lots of us here thinking of you and who have been there."
"I'm glad you told her it wasn't appropriate! And being a mother isn't about carrying and giving birth to a child; it's loving, nurturing and caring about a child with your whole being."
"Feel better but also grieve if you need to!!!!"
"Naomi-- oh, what a low blow! I can't believe she would say such a thing. You saved your life by having this surgery, hold onto that. She is clearly an immature person and not worth your time, so it's unfortunate that you have to deal with her. As others have said so well, love makes you a mother, not giving birth."
Someone else who had a hysterectomy a long time ago said to me today: "There are some cruel people out there who takes every chance they can to knock us down. You do not have to bear kids to be a mama. I learned that a long time ago. And I apologize to you for her hurting you like that. I know how that feels it has been said to me a number of times. It will be 10 years this June since I have had my hysterectomy. I can't say it don't still hurt when I am around someone with babies Lord knows I wanted one and still do."
After I started to feel a bit better after talking with women who get it, I started pondering for a few hours about what it means to be a mother. I remember I attended a spiritual meeting six years ago. The speaker said that all of us have the maternal instinct. I remember thinking, "No way, not me." I came to realize that the maternal instinct is universal. And it comes out when the person is ready to allow it to shine through. I have seen it with people who never had any biological children. My dear friend, Mary, who never bore any child of her own helped raised her nephews. She was very invested in their lives. She is still very involved even though they are grown up. In fact, whenever I am sick, I LOVE it when she takes care of me because her maternal side comes oozing out!
Sure I did want to bear children. My dear friend, Julie, invited me to go to her prenatal appointment with her husband, Terry. I became teary-eyed in the room with them as they saw their baby, Tova, on the TV screen via ultrasound. By the way, Tova is now 11 years old. I loved seeing them holding hands as they watched their baby on the screen with such joy. They were so touched that they actually created this very creature. I knew then that I would love to have that experience with the right person. Sure I was in relationships with some men after that experience. I did not want them to be the father of my child. I did not want to rush into getting pregnant with someone who had different parenting values and expectations. When I started dating Mike, I observed him with his boys. I loved what I saw. He is a wonderful father. He tries his best. He is always thinking of his boys. He prefers to buy his boys new clothes rather than for himself. That is a cue for me to shop clothes for HIM. I liked how he sat with his youngest to read him a story in ASL and worked with him on counting. He loves to record his youngest signing funny things like, 'Daddy hugged me so hard that I farted!'. I liked how he talked with his oldest about how to deal with conflicts. He loves to talk with his oldest about sports. I thought to myself, "Aha. I found this one." The timing was not right for Mike and I to start trying. We wanted to find a home first. We wanted to settle down a bit. We found this beautiful home in Annapolis that would accommodate his boys and maybe a baby. We were about to feel like we could start trying... then this cancer came along. Ugh.
Do I have the maternal instinct? Sure. I remember it coming out when I first got my dog, Chocolate. I know pets and humans are different but still. I did not want a dog, truthfully. I did not want the responsibility. He came to me from two bad homes and male owners. When I first met him, he had no soul in his eyes. Two days later, he remembered me and joy twinkled in his eyes. I knew I had to adopt him right then. He had a lot of issues. The first few months, I would fuss over little things like first-time parents would. I took him to vet for every little thing the first year. Chocolate's issues certainly challenged my patience. I consulted my friends and professionals about what I can do to help him become a happy, confident dog. It took quite a while! I am happy to report that with my rearing, he is a happy, confident dog and is comfortable with men again. He is an amazing dog. People adore him! In fact when I send him to dog-sitters, I still have a long list of details. Some think I overdo it but... I want to be sure every little need is taken care of. It has been four years since I have had him and I am grateful each day. I travel a lot less for him and I am okay with that. I am really happy to be home with him. When I do travel, I take him along if I can. If I can't, I ache to go back home to him.
Mike's boys have come into my life. They still live with their mother in a different state but will be coming to be with us for the summer. The oldest will be living with us during the school year hopefully this fall. Developing a solid relationship with them will take time. It is work in progress. I noticed my maternal instinct coming out whenever I interact with them or whenever I think of them. Mike and I visited schools for the oldest boy and I found myself asking questions that any good mother would ask. When the oldest boy visited us last February, I worried about some things and gave him some first aid and medication to make him feel better. It is a delicate balance because I do not want to do anything to replace their mother. I will get that figured out just like any new parent does.
The bottom line... sure I probably will never understand what it is like to be pregnant and deliver a child. But I do know something about love and I will share that the way I see it based on my own experiences and beliefs. And each of us expresses love differently. Some women contacted me after learning of my story about losing my fertility sharing their own stories of losing the same thing. They shared their pain and sadness. Some were able to go on to become mothers in their own ways. I am grateful to them for sharing their stories. We all have maternal instinct one way or another. I think this world would be a better place to live if we stop making biology a requirement to understand what it means to be a parent.
We talk about how we were told by people that we would get help during recovery only to find out people did not follow through. We feel hurt and confused. As I mentioned in earlier posts, I do not like to ask for help. No way am I going to follow up with people who said they would help. I figured they had other things going on in their lives. I am blessed with whatever help I can get when people are ready to offer the help.
One HysterSister vented yesterday about how her husband told her on Sunday that she needed to pull her weight around the house and told her to bath the dog, do laundry, and go food shopping. This was during our week 3 recovery (I am now starting week 4). She knew that she needed to take it easy but... felt obliged. As a result, she was in horrible pain and started bleeding. If she continues to bleed, she will need a repair surgery. :( I have not heard from her today and I worry about her. I hope she is okay.
This morning, I vented to the group. One woman who knows about my cancer had the audacity to say to my face last night that I would never understand because I was never a mother. That was a slap in the face for me. I do feel sorry for her that she has so much anger inside her to say such mean, hurtful things. I told her that it was not a nice thing to say before the conversation ended. I do hope that she somehow makes peace with her own anger so she stop spewing such harm to others. What helped me today was talking about the situation with the HysterSisters. Comforting words from them that I am copying and pasting here to serve as a reminder for myself as I work through this.
"I am so sorry she said that to you. I, too, always heard those, 'not a real mom' type comments. So hurtful, and so wrong. It bothers me that someone would make them in the first place, but especially right now when you are recovering from this life-changing surgery. Giving birth doesn't make you mother. Love makes you a mother."
"Sending you big hugs. Know that there are lots of us here thinking of you and who have been there."
"I'm glad you told her it wasn't appropriate! And being a mother isn't about carrying and giving birth to a child; it's loving, nurturing and caring about a child with your whole being."
"Feel better but also grieve if you need to!!!!"
"Naomi-- oh, what a low blow! I can't believe she would say such a thing. You saved your life by having this surgery, hold onto that. She is clearly an immature person and not worth your time, so it's unfortunate that you have to deal with her. As others have said so well, love makes you a mother, not giving birth."
Someone else who had a hysterectomy a long time ago said to me today: "There are some cruel people out there who takes every chance they can to knock us down. You do not have to bear kids to be a mama. I learned that a long time ago. And I apologize to you for her hurting you like that. I know how that feels it has been said to me a number of times. It will be 10 years this June since I have had my hysterectomy. I can't say it don't still hurt when I am around someone with babies Lord knows I wanted one and still do."
After I started to feel a bit better after talking with women who get it, I started pondering for a few hours about what it means to be a mother. I remember I attended a spiritual meeting six years ago. The speaker said that all of us have the maternal instinct. I remember thinking, "No way, not me." I came to realize that the maternal instinct is universal. And it comes out when the person is ready to allow it to shine through. I have seen it with people who never had any biological children. My dear friend, Mary, who never bore any child of her own helped raised her nephews. She was very invested in their lives. She is still very involved even though they are grown up. In fact, whenever I am sick, I LOVE it when she takes care of me because her maternal side comes oozing out!
Sure I did want to bear children. My dear friend, Julie, invited me to go to her prenatal appointment with her husband, Terry. I became teary-eyed in the room with them as they saw their baby, Tova, on the TV screen via ultrasound. By the way, Tova is now 11 years old. I loved seeing them holding hands as they watched their baby on the screen with such joy. They were so touched that they actually created this very creature. I knew then that I would love to have that experience with the right person. Sure I was in relationships with some men after that experience. I did not want them to be the father of my child. I did not want to rush into getting pregnant with someone who had different parenting values and expectations. When I started dating Mike, I observed him with his boys. I loved what I saw. He is a wonderful father. He tries his best. He is always thinking of his boys. He prefers to buy his boys new clothes rather than for himself. That is a cue for me to shop clothes for HIM. I liked how he sat with his youngest to read him a story in ASL and worked with him on counting. He loves to record his youngest signing funny things like, 'Daddy hugged me so hard that I farted!'. I liked how he talked with his oldest about how to deal with conflicts. He loves to talk with his oldest about sports. I thought to myself, "Aha. I found this one." The timing was not right for Mike and I to start trying. We wanted to find a home first. We wanted to settle down a bit. We found this beautiful home in Annapolis that would accommodate his boys and maybe a baby. We were about to feel like we could start trying... then this cancer came along. Ugh.
Do I have the maternal instinct? Sure. I remember it coming out when I first got my dog, Chocolate. I know pets and humans are different but still. I did not want a dog, truthfully. I did not want the responsibility. He came to me from two bad homes and male owners. When I first met him, he had no soul in his eyes. Two days later, he remembered me and joy twinkled in his eyes. I knew I had to adopt him right then. He had a lot of issues. The first few months, I would fuss over little things like first-time parents would. I took him to vet for every little thing the first year. Chocolate's issues certainly challenged my patience. I consulted my friends and professionals about what I can do to help him become a happy, confident dog. It took quite a while! I am happy to report that with my rearing, he is a happy, confident dog and is comfortable with men again. He is an amazing dog. People adore him! In fact when I send him to dog-sitters, I still have a long list of details. Some think I overdo it but... I want to be sure every little need is taken care of. It has been four years since I have had him and I am grateful each day. I travel a lot less for him and I am okay with that. I am really happy to be home with him. When I do travel, I take him along if I can. If I can't, I ache to go back home to him.
Mike's boys have come into my life. They still live with their mother in a different state but will be coming to be with us for the summer. The oldest will be living with us during the school year hopefully this fall. Developing a solid relationship with them will take time. It is work in progress. I noticed my maternal instinct coming out whenever I interact with them or whenever I think of them. Mike and I visited schools for the oldest boy and I found myself asking questions that any good mother would ask. When the oldest boy visited us last February, I worried about some things and gave him some first aid and medication to make him feel better. It is a delicate balance because I do not want to do anything to replace their mother. I will get that figured out just like any new parent does.
The bottom line... sure I probably will never understand what it is like to be pregnant and deliver a child. But I do know something about love and I will share that the way I see it based on my own experiences and beliefs. And each of us expresses love differently. Some women contacted me after learning of my story about losing my fertility sharing their own stories of losing the same thing. They shared their pain and sadness. Some were able to go on to become mothers in their own ways. I am grateful to them for sharing their stories. We all have maternal instinct one way or another. I think this world would be a better place to live if we stop making biology a requirement to understand what it means to be a parent.
Thursday, April 16, 2015
Week 3 Recovery: Post-Op Infection and Complications, Follow-Up Appointment, and My Stage
Week 3 came with no weird cravings but more of a general loss of appetite. I think it had to do with the fact I returned to work and had so many fires to put out. It was not a typical work week. It has been a hectic week. I am so thrilled that tomorrow is Friday! Many women do not return to work until week 4 or after depending on the amount of physical activity required on the job. Dr. Jewell said I could return because it is a telecommute job. I worked in my pajamas or sweats most of the week. I did not work sitting at a desk. I worked on the couch among many pillows and blankets to make me comfortable. At the end of each day, I am mentally fatigued that I just want to watch TV or movies. Nothing else. The HysterSisters support group continues to be a godsend for me. I love talking with them daily sharing stories about our recovery process.
I am weaning off pain medications slowly. I learned fast enough that it has to be a gradual process. I tried to get off on Friday night and was in horrible pain that I couldn't even walk. It took two hours for the pain medication to kick in. A glass of red wine definitely helped too! My last dose lasted for 16.5 hours. The minute I feel stabbing pain, I take my next dose. This is an improvement from starting with every 4 hours. I am unable to drive until I have been off pain medication for 48 hours. I crave for my independence now that Mike is really busy with work. Returning to driving will be a challenge as it does require core strength. I am truthfully scared about driving again even though I want to drive again.
This week I am able to do more. I can do light housework. I can cook simple recipes. It helps a lot to have the pots and pans put on the counter for me. I can't chop yet so... my food processor comes in handy. I can drink a bottle or cup without a straw. I still can't tie my shoes so I've been wearing slip-on type of shoes. My doctor reminded me at the follow-up appointment on Tuesday that I really need to rest a lot. I can do more but I still need to rest for at least four more weeks.
While I can do more, some post-op infection and complications set me back a bit. Sunday night, I had the chills. It was a horrible night. I was trying to fall asleep but it felt like I was freezing to death. I wanted more blankets and numerous socks to warm up. I had been struggling with urination. It hurt more and more. Last Tuesday, I got antibiotics and my urinary tract infection (UTI) is going away. Finally. UTI is very common for women who had hysterectomies. Monday morning which was also my first day back to work, I developed a new type of pain near one incision that made it very difficult to move and made me cry several times that day. At the follow-up appointment, my doctor said it is the fluid build-up behind an incision which indicate too much activity on my part. After a grueling day traveling to New York City and back, I was beyond exhausted. Wednesday morning I woke up with similar type of pain near another incision. I knew I had to rest more. I have been resting on the couch and/ or the bed since then and I am improving slowly and surely. If the fluid build-up worsens, I would need a CT scan and possibly have those drained. I do not want anything further done so I have been more willing to take the rest I really need.
The follow-up appointment was hard because Dr. Jewell poked! I have been feeling like my vagina is off-limits to anything and anyone! It has been beaten up enough. And she had to check to make sure I was healing. I hated that moment. It hurt but the good news, I am healing nicely. The incisions on my abdomen are healing nicely as well.
I was curious to know one thing about the surgery. I did not understand why I was out in the operating room by 9:15 AM and the surgery did not happen until 10:35 AM. What happened between 9:15 and 10:35 AM? She explained that they added more intravenous accesses in my body, inserted the catheter, breathing tube, and braced me to the table to prevent me from sliding down. Here's an image of what it looks like: http://www.intechopen.com/source/html/6517/media/image3.png.
The pathology report was shared. My cancer was stage 1. The cancer was contained within the uterus. The two lymph nodes that they removed did not have any trace of cancer. I am cancer-free now. It means I do not need chemotherapy or radiation. Mike was overjoyed. He said it meant that he can have me around much longer! It was rather interesting to see I was not sharing the same emotion. It was like, "Oh okay," for me. I actually felt sad. I am still processing the news. Yes, it does feel good to say I'm cancer-free. Yes my cancer was operable but... to get to that point came with a huge price, namely the loss of my fertility and most of my reproductive system. I was especially relieved that I got to keep my ovaries. I knew people were anxiously awaiting the news but I did not want to hear people saying things like yay, awesome, or great news because I did not feel that way. I reached out to a cancer survivor friend yesterday and asked about the feeling I am having. Her response was affirming for me: "A chunk of your life and body. You will process for a long time but you will heal and find joy in the simple fact that you have a lot more wonderful things to do!" I told Mike on Tuesday that I was feeling, "This cancer threw me on a wild roller coaster ride for the past few months and now that the ride is almost over, I really don't know where to start picking up the pieces of my life together." I guess I will figure it out one step at a time. And I have to be patient and kind with myself as I move forward. I asked Dr. Jewell about the surveillance plan. She would not discuss that with me in depth until the next appointment on May 12th. She said that my focus right now should be on recovering from the surgery.
Interestingly, Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center found something from my CT scan done in January here in Maryland. The radiologist here did not notice anything. The CT scan images were sent on a CD to MSKCC and their radiologist noticed that there was a tumor in my right lung. It's probably benign but I was advised by Dr. Jewell to see a pulmonary doctor to get it evaluated. Two years ago, a doctor noticed that I had a tumor in my liver. It has been under evaluation for two years. I am due for a follow-up in May. If it is still the same, then my liver surgeon will call it benign and I can just ignore it. I have been told by some people that I am overcautious when it comes to my health. It's better to err on the safe side than not. If I had not followed up on the heavy bleeding and pelvic pains right away, I might have been in a worse shape with this endometrial cancer. I think it is important to be proactive about your health. If you notice anything odd, go and get it checked out, pretty please.
I am weaning off pain medications slowly. I learned fast enough that it has to be a gradual process. I tried to get off on Friday night and was in horrible pain that I couldn't even walk. It took two hours for the pain medication to kick in. A glass of red wine definitely helped too! My last dose lasted for 16.5 hours. The minute I feel stabbing pain, I take my next dose. This is an improvement from starting with every 4 hours. I am unable to drive until I have been off pain medication for 48 hours. I crave for my independence now that Mike is really busy with work. Returning to driving will be a challenge as it does require core strength. I am truthfully scared about driving again even though I want to drive again.
This week I am able to do more. I can do light housework. I can cook simple recipes. It helps a lot to have the pots and pans put on the counter for me. I can't chop yet so... my food processor comes in handy. I can drink a bottle or cup without a straw. I still can't tie my shoes so I've been wearing slip-on type of shoes. My doctor reminded me at the follow-up appointment on Tuesday that I really need to rest a lot. I can do more but I still need to rest for at least four more weeks.
While I can do more, some post-op infection and complications set me back a bit. Sunday night, I had the chills. It was a horrible night. I was trying to fall asleep but it felt like I was freezing to death. I wanted more blankets and numerous socks to warm up. I had been struggling with urination. It hurt more and more. Last Tuesday, I got antibiotics and my urinary tract infection (UTI) is going away. Finally. UTI is very common for women who had hysterectomies. Monday morning which was also my first day back to work, I developed a new type of pain near one incision that made it very difficult to move and made me cry several times that day. At the follow-up appointment, my doctor said it is the fluid build-up behind an incision which indicate too much activity on my part. After a grueling day traveling to New York City and back, I was beyond exhausted. Wednesday morning I woke up with similar type of pain near another incision. I knew I had to rest more. I have been resting on the couch and/ or the bed since then and I am improving slowly and surely. If the fluid build-up worsens, I would need a CT scan and possibly have those drained. I do not want anything further done so I have been more willing to take the rest I really need.
The follow-up appointment was hard because Dr. Jewell poked! I have been feeling like my vagina is off-limits to anything and anyone! It has been beaten up enough. And she had to check to make sure I was healing. I hated that moment. It hurt but the good news, I am healing nicely. The incisions on my abdomen are healing nicely as well.
I was curious to know one thing about the surgery. I did not understand why I was out in the operating room by 9:15 AM and the surgery did not happen until 10:35 AM. What happened between 9:15 and 10:35 AM? She explained that they added more intravenous accesses in my body, inserted the catheter, breathing tube, and braced me to the table to prevent me from sliding down. Here's an image of what it looks like: http://www.intechopen.com/source/html/6517/media/image3.png.
The pathology report was shared. My cancer was stage 1. The cancer was contained within the uterus. The two lymph nodes that they removed did not have any trace of cancer. I am cancer-free now. It means I do not need chemotherapy or radiation. Mike was overjoyed. He said it meant that he can have me around much longer! It was rather interesting to see I was not sharing the same emotion. It was like, "Oh okay," for me. I actually felt sad. I am still processing the news. Yes, it does feel good to say I'm cancer-free. Yes my cancer was operable but... to get to that point came with a huge price, namely the loss of my fertility and most of my reproductive system. I was especially relieved that I got to keep my ovaries. I knew people were anxiously awaiting the news but I did not want to hear people saying things like yay, awesome, or great news because I did not feel that way. I reached out to a cancer survivor friend yesterday and asked about the feeling I am having. Her response was affirming for me: "A chunk of your life and body. You will process for a long time but you will heal and find joy in the simple fact that you have a lot more wonderful things to do!" I told Mike on Tuesday that I was feeling, "This cancer threw me on a wild roller coaster ride for the past few months and now that the ride is almost over, I really don't know where to start picking up the pieces of my life together." I guess I will figure it out one step at a time. And I have to be patient and kind with myself as I move forward. I asked Dr. Jewell about the surveillance plan. She would not discuss that with me in depth until the next appointment on May 12th. She said that my focus right now should be on recovering from the surgery.
Interestingly, Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center found something from my CT scan done in January here in Maryland. The radiologist here did not notice anything. The CT scan images were sent on a CD to MSKCC and their radiologist noticed that there was a tumor in my right lung. It's probably benign but I was advised by Dr. Jewell to see a pulmonary doctor to get it evaluated. Two years ago, a doctor noticed that I had a tumor in my liver. It has been under evaluation for two years. I am due for a follow-up in May. If it is still the same, then my liver surgeon will call it benign and I can just ignore it. I have been told by some people that I am overcautious when it comes to my health. It's better to err on the safe side than not. If I had not followed up on the heavy bleeding and pelvic pains right away, I might have been in a worse shape with this endometrial cancer. I think it is important to be proactive about your health. If you notice anything odd, go and get it checked out, pretty please.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Week 2 Recovery: Struggles and weird cravings
Yesterday I was feeling down and angry that I had seven MORE weeks to 'recover' meaning resume my normal activities but I probably won't feel like myself again for six months. I was bummed I was unable to put Mike through a DIFFICULT Easter egg hunt. There's always next year, I suppose. I decided to push myself and do stuff I should not be doing like putting stuff in the dishwasher, bending down to get things out of the dryer, and taking a short hike. Reality: Yes I can do those now. But doing those caused so much pain today. I am laying down and resting today. :( I don't like to ask for help because I don't want to be an imposition on anyone. I am way too independent for my own good. I learned my lesson the hard way. This morning, I tried to do something and realized it was too hard for me to do, I asked Mike for help. Poor Mike, I am driving him crazy by being really stubborn. Mike, I'll try to behave better going forward. *grin*
I am sick of watching TV shows and movies on my iPad and reading magazines. I think it'll be good for me to return to my telecommute job on Monday- it will give me something to do. As I found out yesterday, it is exhausting to be on the laptop a while. Let's see how I do on Monday.
I am part of a great support group right now. FINALLY! It's a HysterSisters group for women who had surgery during the week of March 30-April 2. It's being run by a moderator who had hers last year. We share our struggles in our recovery process. I was relieved to learn I was not alone in dealing with frustrations that come with week 1 recovery.: gas pains from being pumped with gas during surgery, trying to POOP, dealing with pain medications, and feeling emotional. We laughed about the fact we were celebrating whenever a sister finally pooped. Who does that? Celebrate about poop! I had my celebration on Monday! It was a celebration for two reasons: first, I finally have a functional plumbing and second, I can eat raw fruits and vegetables again!!!
Week 1 also came with a weird craving for cow's milk. I don't drink that anymore. But I got some. I don't understand but was happy to fulfill my craving. Week 2 comes with a weird craving for chocolate chip cookies. WHY?! I don't know. I'm not really a cookie person. Mike and I went out yesterday afternoon in search of chocolate chip cookies in Annapolis. Went to the place that supposedly had the best ones. Yech. Too much flour. At that point, I was too sugared out from one cookie to keep on looking. Probably better to bake some myself. This recipe looks good: http://hostthetoast.com/best-chewy-cafe-style-chocolate-chip-cookies/. Wait a minute... I can't bake for a while. What will I crave during week 3? I hope it's not something I hate.
Week 2 recovery comes with dealing with pain that comes with peeing. It's a new one. HysterSisters sends a regular email with checkpoints. It came on Monday - one week after my surgery. It spoke of that pain. Hmm. I have to keep drinking water and drink some cranberry juice. The email listed the symptoms I might experience during week 2. It's really nice to have a manual to help me understand my process. My HysterSisters group is now talking about wanting to wean off from pain medication. I started taking mine every four hours then six hours. Now it's seven hours. One woman tried to stop altogether and was in horrible pain for two days before the medication started working. We are also talking about incisions and how they itch. I find that castor oil helps control the itchiness. Dermabond naturally came off one incision. It now looks like a paper cut. The biggest incision that had steristrips came off yesterday.
A list of my milestones:
-can dress myself. Putting on socks and boots are still a struggle.
-starting to be able to hold a cup to my mouth to drink- still using straws
-can comfortably hold a laptop on my lap
-can sit up about an hour long
-can do simple food preparation tasks
-can hold up a magazine for a while- going to try a book soon
-can hold my phone up for a while
-can fold laundry
-can walk around the block
-can wear the abdominal binder for up to 2 hours before getting tired
I am sick of watching TV shows and movies on my iPad and reading magazines. I think it'll be good for me to return to my telecommute job on Monday- it will give me something to do. As I found out yesterday, it is exhausting to be on the laptop a while. Let's see how I do on Monday.
I am part of a great support group right now. FINALLY! It's a HysterSisters group for women who had surgery during the week of March 30-April 2. It's being run by a moderator who had hers last year. We share our struggles in our recovery process. I was relieved to learn I was not alone in dealing with frustrations that come with week 1 recovery.: gas pains from being pumped with gas during surgery, trying to POOP, dealing with pain medications, and feeling emotional. We laughed about the fact we were celebrating whenever a sister finally pooped. Who does that? Celebrate about poop! I had my celebration on Monday! It was a celebration for two reasons: first, I finally have a functional plumbing and second, I can eat raw fruits and vegetables again!!!
Week 1 also came with a weird craving for cow's milk. I don't drink that anymore. But I got some. I don't understand but was happy to fulfill my craving. Week 2 comes with a weird craving for chocolate chip cookies. WHY?! I don't know. I'm not really a cookie person. Mike and I went out yesterday afternoon in search of chocolate chip cookies in Annapolis. Went to the place that supposedly had the best ones. Yech. Too much flour. At that point, I was too sugared out from one cookie to keep on looking. Probably better to bake some myself. This recipe looks good: http://hostthetoast.com/best-chewy-cafe-style-chocolate-chip-cookies/. Wait a minute... I can't bake for a while. What will I crave during week 3? I hope it's not something I hate.
Week 2 recovery comes with dealing with pain that comes with peeing. It's a new one. HysterSisters sends a regular email with checkpoints. It came on Monday - one week after my surgery. It spoke of that pain. Hmm. I have to keep drinking water and drink some cranberry juice. The email listed the symptoms I might experience during week 2. It's really nice to have a manual to help me understand my process. My HysterSisters group is now talking about wanting to wean off from pain medication. I started taking mine every four hours then six hours. Now it's seven hours. One woman tried to stop altogether and was in horrible pain for two days before the medication started working. We are also talking about incisions and how they itch. I find that castor oil helps control the itchiness. Dermabond naturally came off one incision. It now looks like a paper cut. The biggest incision that had steristrips came off yesterday.
A list of my milestones:
-can dress myself. Putting on socks and boots are still a struggle.
-starting to be able to hold a cup to my mouth to drink- still using straws
-can comfortably hold a laptop on my lap
-can sit up about an hour long
-can do simple food preparation tasks
-can hold up a magazine for a while- going to try a book soon
-can hold my phone up for a while
-can fold laundry
-can walk around the block
-can wear the abdominal binder for up to 2 hours before getting tired
Saturday, April 4, 2015
The Surgery and the Beginning of Recovery
Back! Just yesterday, I was able to hold my laptop on my lap for a while. It's quite a core workout, did you know that? Today I'm trying to type more and hoping I can do more today. I am not the world's most patient person but this recovery has taught me a lot about patience. I have to be patient with myself as I recover.
The surgery injured my abdominal muscles. On Monday, I told Mike it felt like I was a baby learning how to use my abdominal muscles all over again. It was struggle to sit down on the toilet. It was a struggle to get out of the bed to walk around the hospital floor. It was a struggle to bring a spoon to my mouth. A few days later, I am getting the hang of those basic activities. It will take time to rebuild my abdominal muscles. Hence, the reason why they keep on telling me I had to take it easy for 6-8 weeks before trying my normal activities again. I just sat in a chair for a full hour and I saw that as a positive step. It was awesome because by sitting up, Mike gave me a manicure as a reward! I can walk up and down the stairs in our house. This morning was my first outing. I had a bad case of cabin fever and wanted to get out. We went to get some breakfast and it was a nice outing. Mike commented that the thing with recovery... you should not do too much or do too little. I am trying to figure out what the happy medium is. It'll take time each day.
I was happy to be able to disconnect from the world on Sunday night in preparation for the surgery. I was drinking fluids like crazy because it was the only thing I could digest. I went to bed feeling scared knowing that the time has run out. I woke up Monday morning in an automatic mode. Get myself cleansed with Hibiclens (surgical preparation solution that they told me to shower with). Put on the outfit that I would leave the hospital in. We walked out in upper east side of Manhattan as the city was waking up. I was so happy it was snowing! I was frustrated by the restaurants, cafes and bakeries emitting aromatic smells. I was starved!!! We arrived at the hospital a few minutes before 7 AM. We were greeted by a nurse escort at the entrance who was waiting for us. I saw the interpreter being approached by the staff Spanish interpreter. Ugh. We later learned that she was telling the interpreter that Mike and I are demanding. Hmph. If we ask for quality interpreting services, that makes us demanding? No. I did not appreciate that because it seemed like they keep on trying to scare the interpreters into thinking we are big, bad monsters. I told Mike I did not want to see her nor the interpreter coordinator lurking around for the rest of my time in the hospital.
We were escorted to sixth floor where I was admitted. I asked which floor I will be staying overnight. The nurse escort said 19th floor. I remember thinking that it was far up in the building. And the building was not that tall. We were put in a private room for me to change into a hospital gown. The interpreter commented that everyone were instructed to make sure we were treated as if we were VIPs. I was puzzled by the nurse escort and the individualized attention but just went with it. They were getting me prepared for the surgery. I met with my anesthesiologist and his resident. And then Dr. Jewell and her resident. I asked about how the sentinel lymph node removal would work if no lymph nodes turned blue/green after I was injected with a radioactive dye. She said that they would go back to the traditional approach and use a chart to identify which lymph nodes to take out. I remember hoping that some of them would turn blue / green because I did not want to have all of them taken out.
The wait was too long. I did not get wheeled into the operating room until around 9:10 AM. I checked in at 7 AM. It did not do much good for my anxiety but... I stayed as optimistic as I could and kept on talking with Mike. Then 9:10 AM came. I was wheeled in with my interpreter who was put in scrubs. I was impressed by how many operating rooms there were. I asked how many there were in total... they said 21. I asked if they were all full that morning. "Yes." A busy morning for sure.
I entered my operating room and remember feeling awed by how fancy it was. It was the best operating room I have seen. There were big TV monitors on the wall. My vital information was listed on one of the TV monitors. I saw that they had a time log. 9:10 AM: "PT enters OR", 9:15 AM: "PT transferred to surgical bed", 9:20 AM: "IV fluids given", so forth. I would have liked to see the entire log afterwards. I was admittedly very spooked by how HUGE the daVinci robotic system was. I was like, "Those arms are going inside me?!" Ugh. I was impressed by how Dr. Jewell took an active role in getting me comfortable and prepared in the operating room. I am used to surgeons letting the residents and nurses do all the preparation. The last thing I remember was asking what the second TV monitor was for... and then I slept. The interpreter later asked if I remember the answer. She told them that it looked like I was out of it because I was not responsive. The second TV monitor was where they could see the video of the surgery in process. The interpreter was taken out of the operating room after that. The surgery began at 10:35 AM. I wonder why it took them a long time to prepare me in the operating room. I guess it'll remain a mystery. I was out of the operating room at 12:35 PM.
I remember waking up to Mike telling the interpreter that he did not want to miss me waking up and had to be there for me. I was tired. I was annoyed that they left the catheter inside. I told the nurse it had to go! I was told they would take it out before I was out of the operating room. I was waking up and the only thing I wanted was to get it OUT! Then I wanted a cup of water! The nurse said I had to wait. Agh. I finally got a small amount of water to see if I could keep it down. I did! And they gave me more water. After my surgery on January 9th, I was across from a guy. We started a competition to see who can fully wake up first. It was fun. On Monday, I saw a guy across from me. I decided to start by smiling at him. He was sad. That made me sad. It felt like a few minutes before they wheeled me to my room. Mike told me I was in recovery about 2.5 hours and it felt like forever to him. Ha. I waved to the guy before leaving but he was still sad. I hope he's okay from his surgery.
In the elevator, I noticed that 19th floor was the TOP floor. When I got off the elevator, I was surprised. It felt like I had entered the penthouse of some sort NOT a hospital floor. It was fancy. There was a security officer monitoring each person entering the floor. It felt like a posh hotel. It was not white, nor clinical. It was warm and inviting. I was confused. I thought it was Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's typical hospital room. I figured that I had come to the best. I was put in Suite 1912. No roommate. Nice view of the east side of Manhattan and Roosevelt Island. The suite was roomy with a couch. I was wowed. I later learned that this floor require advance reservations. The security guard works until midnight. If there are royalty or important people, the security guard works 24 hours. The nurse technician, Gilbert, who gave me a tour the next morning apologized to me that I was not important enough to get a 24-hour security detail. I told him I felt a princess being on this floor anyway. Someone said that they were going to put me on 10th floor which looks just like a hospital room but it was full. Advance reservations? I think that was the hospital's way of apologizing for messing up in providing effective communication access services. On that tour, Gilbert told me about how there are 14 suites on that floor. That morning five were unoccupied. Some of the suites are big enough to accompany 25 people as some royalties and dignitaries bring their own staff: security guards, nurses, etc. Yikes. I was glad to get a regular suite and had only Mike in it. Mike made a video of the hospital floor and the suite: https://youtu.be/KASQGcNZtwk
Upon arrival, they immediately put electronic compression boots on me that keep on squeezing. It was impossible to fall into deep sleep with those boots on. They fed me a late lunch of soup, jello, and Italian ice. I ate all of that except for the Italian ice. Sugar was having weird effects on my tongue... must be the medications. I loved eating the chocolate ice cream though and it did not have that effect. They showed me where to get more if I wanted during the night. I was ready to sleep but they kept on sending nurses and nurse technicians to check on me. My friend, Judy, who lives in the city came to visit. She had a hysterectomy a few years ago. She was impressed that by 4:30 PM I already peed on my own, walked around a bit, and ate. She visited briefly as I was really sleepy. I never got to fall asleep because I kept on getting poked again and again. Dr. Jewell came at around 6 PM to see how I was doing. She said I looked really good. She said that some lymph nodes turned blue/green and those were removed. I asked how many. She said that the pathologist will do a count of lymph nodes that were removed. I asked if I'm stage 1, does it mean that I'm done? She said, "Not necessarily." Interestingly, Dr. Diaz-Montes said I'm done after the surgery. Dr. Jewell refused to discuss "what ifs" with me at all. She said we had to wait until the pathologist is done. It usually takes 10 to 12 days for a pathologist to process all the removed parts: cervix, uterus, tubes, and lymph nodes. I see her on April 14th to learn my stage and if I need any adjuvant treatment. I really dread the wait but I have been busy focusing on getting better.
I tried to eat dinner but found solids very challenging to eat so stuck with fluids. The interpreter coordinator tried to see us that evening. Mike told the interpreter to tell him no. 30 minutes later, he asked to speak with Mike outside the room. Mike told the interpreter no... he was focusing on me. I was annoyed that the interpreter coordinator was lurking. He really had no business being there. He provided the services. He did his part. Now let the medical team do their jobs. He was insisting on getting information from the interpreters about my health. The interpreters refused to give him any information. He was getting frustrated with them.
They finally let me sleep from 1:50 AM til about 5 AM. I ached for MORE sleep but decided that I would just wait until I get home to sleep. Because I was able to walk around the floor several times and pee on my own several times, they discharged me at around 11 AM. I was sad to leave that posh floor but... they never really let me sleep. I was ready to go home! Leaving Manhattan was painful! Potholes, uneven streets, and unexpected stops. Yeow! We made a quick stop to get lunch to go at the Soup Man. This is the spot that inspired the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld. I enjoyed my lunch in the car but I wanted to get out of Manhattan. Once we got on the highway, it was smooth sailing the rest of way. We stopped at least once every hour for me to walk around to prevent blood clotting. We were home by 5 PM. I could not eat much. I fell asleep pretty early and slept through the night. The next two days I was sleeping a lot. I felt like someone cast a sleeping spell on me. On the third day, I was awake during the day time. Today, though, I fell asleep for a two-hour nap. I'm not a napper. I need to allow myself to take naps when my body needs it.
My pain comes and goes. I have five incisions. Four of them are sealed with Dermabond (superglue). One bigger incision is the most painful and is sealed with steristrips. This was where the robot's main arm operated. It continues to hurt today. Last night, I was laughing so hard at a sitcom. It was a hilarious episode. I am paying the price today. I guess in my case, "Laughter is the best medicine" does not apply. Chocolate punched me with his paws because he was uncomfortable in bed last night. Ow. I don't think Chocolate can sleep next to me for a while. I am learning the right things to do to help manage the pain although the pain medication is awesome. :-) It'll take time. Onward.
The surgery injured my abdominal muscles. On Monday, I told Mike it felt like I was a baby learning how to use my abdominal muscles all over again. It was struggle to sit down on the toilet. It was a struggle to get out of the bed to walk around the hospital floor. It was a struggle to bring a spoon to my mouth. A few days later, I am getting the hang of those basic activities. It will take time to rebuild my abdominal muscles. Hence, the reason why they keep on telling me I had to take it easy for 6-8 weeks before trying my normal activities again. I just sat in a chair for a full hour and I saw that as a positive step. It was awesome because by sitting up, Mike gave me a manicure as a reward! I can walk up and down the stairs in our house. This morning was my first outing. I had a bad case of cabin fever and wanted to get out. We went to get some breakfast and it was a nice outing. Mike commented that the thing with recovery... you should not do too much or do too little. I am trying to figure out what the happy medium is. It'll take time each day.
I was happy to be able to disconnect from the world on Sunday night in preparation for the surgery. I was drinking fluids like crazy because it was the only thing I could digest. I went to bed feeling scared knowing that the time has run out. I woke up Monday morning in an automatic mode. Get myself cleansed with Hibiclens (surgical preparation solution that they told me to shower with). Put on the outfit that I would leave the hospital in. We walked out in upper east side of Manhattan as the city was waking up. I was so happy it was snowing! I was frustrated by the restaurants, cafes and bakeries emitting aromatic smells. I was starved!!! We arrived at the hospital a few minutes before 7 AM. We were greeted by a nurse escort at the entrance who was waiting for us. I saw the interpreter being approached by the staff Spanish interpreter. Ugh. We later learned that she was telling the interpreter that Mike and I are demanding. Hmph. If we ask for quality interpreting services, that makes us demanding? No. I did not appreciate that because it seemed like they keep on trying to scare the interpreters into thinking we are big, bad monsters. I told Mike I did not want to see her nor the interpreter coordinator lurking around for the rest of my time in the hospital.
We were escorted to sixth floor where I was admitted. I asked which floor I will be staying overnight. The nurse escort said 19th floor. I remember thinking that it was far up in the building. And the building was not that tall. We were put in a private room for me to change into a hospital gown. The interpreter commented that everyone were instructed to make sure we were treated as if we were VIPs. I was puzzled by the nurse escort and the individualized attention but just went with it. They were getting me prepared for the surgery. I met with my anesthesiologist and his resident. And then Dr. Jewell and her resident. I asked about how the sentinel lymph node removal would work if no lymph nodes turned blue/green after I was injected with a radioactive dye. She said that they would go back to the traditional approach and use a chart to identify which lymph nodes to take out. I remember hoping that some of them would turn blue / green because I did not want to have all of them taken out.
The wait was too long. I did not get wheeled into the operating room until around 9:10 AM. I checked in at 7 AM. It did not do much good for my anxiety but... I stayed as optimistic as I could and kept on talking with Mike. Then 9:10 AM came. I was wheeled in with my interpreter who was put in scrubs. I was impressed by how many operating rooms there were. I asked how many there were in total... they said 21. I asked if they were all full that morning. "Yes." A busy morning for sure.
I entered my operating room and remember feeling awed by how fancy it was. It was the best operating room I have seen. There were big TV monitors on the wall. My vital information was listed on one of the TV monitors. I saw that they had a time log. 9:10 AM: "PT enters OR", 9:15 AM: "PT transferred to surgical bed", 9:20 AM: "IV fluids given", so forth. I would have liked to see the entire log afterwards. I was admittedly very spooked by how HUGE the daVinci robotic system was. I was like, "Those arms are going inside me?!" Ugh. I was impressed by how Dr. Jewell took an active role in getting me comfortable and prepared in the operating room. I am used to surgeons letting the residents and nurses do all the preparation. The last thing I remember was asking what the second TV monitor was for... and then I slept. The interpreter later asked if I remember the answer. She told them that it looked like I was out of it because I was not responsive. The second TV monitor was where they could see the video of the surgery in process. The interpreter was taken out of the operating room after that. The surgery began at 10:35 AM. I wonder why it took them a long time to prepare me in the operating room. I guess it'll remain a mystery. I was out of the operating room at 12:35 PM.
I remember waking up to Mike telling the interpreter that he did not want to miss me waking up and had to be there for me. I was tired. I was annoyed that they left the catheter inside. I told the nurse it had to go! I was told they would take it out before I was out of the operating room. I was waking up and the only thing I wanted was to get it OUT! Then I wanted a cup of water! The nurse said I had to wait. Agh. I finally got a small amount of water to see if I could keep it down. I did! And they gave me more water. After my surgery on January 9th, I was across from a guy. We started a competition to see who can fully wake up first. It was fun. On Monday, I saw a guy across from me. I decided to start by smiling at him. He was sad. That made me sad. It felt like a few minutes before they wheeled me to my room. Mike told me I was in recovery about 2.5 hours and it felt like forever to him. Ha. I waved to the guy before leaving but he was still sad. I hope he's okay from his surgery.
In the elevator, I noticed that 19th floor was the TOP floor. When I got off the elevator, I was surprised. It felt like I had entered the penthouse of some sort NOT a hospital floor. It was fancy. There was a security officer monitoring each person entering the floor. It felt like a posh hotel. It was not white, nor clinical. It was warm and inviting. I was confused. I thought it was Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center's typical hospital room. I figured that I had come to the best. I was put in Suite 1912. No roommate. Nice view of the east side of Manhattan and Roosevelt Island. The suite was roomy with a couch. I was wowed. I later learned that this floor require advance reservations. The security guard works until midnight. If there are royalty or important people, the security guard works 24 hours. The nurse technician, Gilbert, who gave me a tour the next morning apologized to me that I was not important enough to get a 24-hour security detail. I told him I felt a princess being on this floor anyway. Someone said that they were going to put me on 10th floor which looks just like a hospital room but it was full. Advance reservations? I think that was the hospital's way of apologizing for messing up in providing effective communication access services. On that tour, Gilbert told me about how there are 14 suites on that floor. That morning five were unoccupied. Some of the suites are big enough to accompany 25 people as some royalties and dignitaries bring their own staff: security guards, nurses, etc. Yikes. I was glad to get a regular suite and had only Mike in it. Mike made a video of the hospital floor and the suite: https://youtu.be/KASQGcNZtwk
Upon arrival, they immediately put electronic compression boots on me that keep on squeezing. It was impossible to fall into deep sleep with those boots on. They fed me a late lunch of soup, jello, and Italian ice. I ate all of that except for the Italian ice. Sugar was having weird effects on my tongue... must be the medications. I loved eating the chocolate ice cream though and it did not have that effect. They showed me where to get more if I wanted during the night. I was ready to sleep but they kept on sending nurses and nurse technicians to check on me. My friend, Judy, who lives in the city came to visit. She had a hysterectomy a few years ago. She was impressed that by 4:30 PM I already peed on my own, walked around a bit, and ate. She visited briefly as I was really sleepy. I never got to fall asleep because I kept on getting poked again and again. Dr. Jewell came at around 6 PM to see how I was doing. She said I looked really good. She said that some lymph nodes turned blue/green and those were removed. I asked how many. She said that the pathologist will do a count of lymph nodes that were removed. I asked if I'm stage 1, does it mean that I'm done? She said, "Not necessarily." Interestingly, Dr. Diaz-Montes said I'm done after the surgery. Dr. Jewell refused to discuss "what ifs" with me at all. She said we had to wait until the pathologist is done. It usually takes 10 to 12 days for a pathologist to process all the removed parts: cervix, uterus, tubes, and lymph nodes. I see her on April 14th to learn my stage and if I need any adjuvant treatment. I really dread the wait but I have been busy focusing on getting better.
I tried to eat dinner but found solids very challenging to eat so stuck with fluids. The interpreter coordinator tried to see us that evening. Mike told the interpreter to tell him no. 30 minutes later, he asked to speak with Mike outside the room. Mike told the interpreter no... he was focusing on me. I was annoyed that the interpreter coordinator was lurking. He really had no business being there. He provided the services. He did his part. Now let the medical team do their jobs. He was insisting on getting information from the interpreters about my health. The interpreters refused to give him any information. He was getting frustrated with them.
They finally let me sleep from 1:50 AM til about 5 AM. I ached for MORE sleep but decided that I would just wait until I get home to sleep. Because I was able to walk around the floor several times and pee on my own several times, they discharged me at around 11 AM. I was sad to leave that posh floor but... they never really let me sleep. I was ready to go home! Leaving Manhattan was painful! Potholes, uneven streets, and unexpected stops. Yeow! We made a quick stop to get lunch to go at the Soup Man. This is the spot that inspired the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld. I enjoyed my lunch in the car but I wanted to get out of Manhattan. Once we got on the highway, it was smooth sailing the rest of way. We stopped at least once every hour for me to walk around to prevent blood clotting. We were home by 5 PM. I could not eat much. I fell asleep pretty early and slept through the night. The next two days I was sleeping a lot. I felt like someone cast a sleeping spell on me. On the third day, I was awake during the day time. Today, though, I fell asleep for a two-hour nap. I'm not a napper. I need to allow myself to take naps when my body needs it.
My pain comes and goes. I have five incisions. Four of them are sealed with Dermabond (superglue). One bigger incision is the most painful and is sealed with steristrips. This was where the robot's main arm operated. It continues to hurt today. Last night, I was laughing so hard at a sitcom. It was a hilarious episode. I am paying the price today. I guess in my case, "Laughter is the best medicine" does not apply. Chocolate punched me with his paws because he was uncomfortable in bed last night. Ow. I don't think Chocolate can sleep next to me for a while. I am learning the right things to do to help manage the pain although the pain medication is awesome. :-) It'll take time. Onward.
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