It seems so surreal that two years have passed. So much has happened since I said farewell to the cancer. Many happenings. Many changes. Cancer can come and go just like that throwing one's life off balance and then... survivors somehow just move forward... continuing to make cancer a more distant memory.
I just got over a bad case of viral bug that had me sick for about nine days. That was the longest I have been sick since the cancer and post-surgical infections. I was so frustrated because it was taking my time away from my dissertation proposal. It was also like a trigger for me. I did not choose to be sick and bedridden for so long that year. I was becoming increasingly anxious that I did not get better after a couple of days. I wanted to send my committee an updated proposal that would not require any major revisions before my defense date. I did not. The time in bed gave me a chance to rest, recover, and reflect. I think I am hard on myself with the dissertation work. It felt like the prospect of getting my doctorate was yanked out of my reach when I got cancer. When I got back on track, I realized that I wanted a completely new topic focusing on medical interpreting and cancer. Finding the focus took time. I finally have my focus and know where I am going with this. The topic is fun and exciting. Feeling the pressure after presenting my past research studies at a recent international research symposium and the defense date approaching, I pushed myself to work on my proposal. I had been giving up social events so that I can get this thing done with. It was so important to me that I finish. The Ph.D. dream is something that I am desperately holding on to and do not want to let go of. Being sick made me realize that I need to slow down a bit... and enjoy life a bit. If I take a couple days longer to finish my proposal, it's okay. I WILL finish this proposal. I feel stressed out partly because if I don't defend my proposal this semester, I have to wait until the fall semester to defend. I really want to start collecting data over the summer rather than waiting.
Truth be told, it was awesome watching a lot of Netflix while dealing with this bug. I was so SICK of Netflix after a couple of months two years ago and I didn't mind this time around but I want to do my own thing again. I am back on the Ph.D. track as I appreciate my continuing remission status.
Yesterday was the first day I ventured out to see people after being sick. I attended my first support group gathering for Deaf women cancer survivors. It was a nice kick-off to my two-year celebration. They have different activities every time they meet. Last night: art therapy. That was a nice release from pounding away on the keyboard. One woman said that life after cancer is about maintaining faith and living your life. True that.
