Life became so busy the past few weeks as I went through several changes on top of my already overflowing plate. Somewhere along the way, I celebrated my 40th birthday as well which was wonderful! I am having a wonderful 40th year so far, although very busy! I had two publication deadlines to meet as well. The dust is slowly getting settled as I finally can sit down and breath.... and update this blog.
My experience with cancer has become somewhat a distant memory as it no longer rules my life. I did not recognize that until recently. Since then, I have been processing that realization and came up with more examples of how I have moved away from the life as a cancer patient. My aha moment was like this... On the morning of July 20th, I took a quick look at my schedule for the day (Wednesday) and what I needed to do at work that day. I thought to myself, "Five meetings...oh boy." The words "support group" under Tuesday's schedule caught my eye. Oh crap! I missed my cancer support group meeting! I remember I noticed that item on the schedule the day before when I do my daily review of the schedule for the day. Tuesday was also a busy day at work. Then I had my weekly evening writing group with other doctorate students. The meeting completely slipped from my mind. Cancer was on my mind a lot before but not lately as I continue to move forward, getting lost in living my life. I have to admit it is a nice feeling that my life no longer revolves around the big C.
This past Monday, I was reviewing my schedule for the fall semester and realized that I am teaching a course at a local college that conflicts with the support group meetings. I will attend the one next month before the semester begins and won't be able to participate again until after the semester is over in December. And I am okay with that. I am actually very excited to be teaching again.
One year later, my university decided to change insurance plans again and since I no longer live in Maryland, I was no longer eligible for insurance coverage from the Maryland's marketplace. I already purchased the new plan through my university but I was waiting for the insurance company to activate my coverage. I was going through this gap of insurance coverage with a nonchalant attitude. I think my friends were more stressed out than I was over the fact I had a gap of insurance coverage. Last year, I was so stressed out about the idea of being uninsured. I figured that I would be insured at some point and that it was a nice break from worrying about how I was going to get medical treatments.
Admittedly, I was escaping my own reality as a cancer warrior. I was given my reality check yesterday when my new oncologist's office called to remind me that I have an appointment in a couple of weeks. And that I need to make sure that Dr. Jewell's office sends all the imaging files over to them. They also asked if I was insured. I purchased my insurance plan two weeks ago and did not get stressed out over not getting my new insurance information. "Okay, okay... I'll get all that done today," I told them. And I did. I have an insurance card in my hands and... imaging files are en route. I sat last night deep in reflection. Sometime I will have moments where I am able to forget about it all. The reality is that I will have to be monitored for rest of my life.
This temporary respite was much needed and I appreciated that. It's time to get my head out of the clouds and back on the ground by returning to my effective self-care plan. First, I need to get my genetic test results figured out. I will discuss that with Dr. Angel. Since it appears that I may be at risk for breast cancer given the genetic test results, I am going to schedule a mammogram now that I have hit the age of 40. Of course, I will continue with my routine follow-up appointments. I need to schedule physical therapy because apparently I started working out too hard as soon as I got the green light. My doctor told me I couldn't swim for a few weeks as both of my shoulders are inflammed from pushing myself to do my regular one-mile swim workouts so soon. She said that it was rather common for people who return to their workout programs after major surgeries or medical issues. Oy. Yada yada. I'll get it done.
I am feeling better with each passing day. Alas, I do notice that my stamina and level of energy is not fully restored yet. I spoke with other cancer warriors and learn that the energy level is rarely restored. I hope to be an exception to that. I know I have to take care of myself in the process. Interpreting the whole day kicks my butt and makes me fall asleep by around 8 PM at night. I love the work though. I am tired after a day full of work, doing errands, and such. Yet I am proud that I have been able to keep up in kickboxing, spinning, and boot camp classes as well as getting lost in a work or academic project without giving up easily. It's just the end of day when I get really exhausted.
I continue to assess and re-assess what quality of life means to me. I am learning along the way as I make discoveries about what I love and enjoy. Some recent discoveries: 1. I realized how much I love to write.... academically and personally. Doing this blog has served as a good outlet for me and it is something I have grown to enjoy doing. I will be going back to my food blog as it was something I enjoyed doing a few years ago. I am doing some personal writing projects as well as working on various academic papers. I am back to working on my dissertation with a renewed sense of energy. 2. I still love learning. I learned how to do some yard work earlier this week, including how to edge, mow the lawn, and work a hedges trimmer (yay, me!). I am also learning how to grow and take care of herbs. I have soo much herbs and I'm having fun experimenting with them in the kitchen. 3. I appreciate opportunities I get to play! Tonight, I participated in a water-gun fight with a four-year old kid just because. It is so good to laugh and play whenever I get a chance to do so.
