Breath… Namaste.

A brief update before I move on to the topic of this post.  My doctors told me at the end of last month that I could go and live my life again.  The year full of doctors, pokes, surgeries, and drugs was over.  Essentially, I am free again.  I love the feeling knowing that I do not have any doctor appointments on my calendar except for the follow-up check each three months.  The next one is in February.  I have been living my life as much as I could the past few weeks.  I went back to advanced yoga classes and am loving them.  It will take some time for me to return to the level I am used to but love the feeling of being challenged in those classes and leaving feeling connected to the muscles that have been out of “business” for months.  I worked with my favorite chiropractor  who straightened my posture from sitting the wrong way for months.  I am able to sit normally again and I feel great.   I love the feeling that I could leave the country without worrying about whether I could get immediate medical attention.  My friends and I went to Mexico this past weekend and it was pure bliss.

 

Since this is the season of giving, I wanted to share a story about giving.  A dear friend of mine went to the Eff Cancer party for me last March.  One of the most touching gifts she gave me was a bracelet with the word “Breath”.  She explained that she got this bracelet when she was dealing with a surgery to remove a huge tumor from her uterus.  She wore this bracelet for the entire duration of her recovery.  She decided that it was time for her to pass the bracelet on.  She gave it to me for me for the next steps in the cancer treatment.  I got the bracelet around the time I was pretty sure I will have to proceed with the hysterectomy.  I wore it faithfully for a few months.  There have been moments where I was in extreme pain or struggling with my recovery, I would look at the bracelet and try to breath to calm down.  Someone, knowing the story,  asked when I would stop wearing it.  I was determined to keep wearing it until I am given the clean bill of health.  And I just got that last month.  No cancer, no infection, no hole, and no more  problems.  I remember feeling content when I took it off and put the bracelet in a small box.  The bracelet will go to the next woman who is dealing with major gynecological issues.  I am waiting for the universe to make it possible for me to cross paths with that woman. 

Last week, another dear friend gave me a new bracelet that says “Namaste,” wishing me a peaceful 2016.  2015 was one rough ride for sure.  Someone recently said that I lost a year in my life.  Sure there were many things I wanted to do but couldn’t.  Nonetheless, I gained so much from 2015.  I gained new insights and connections.  I am looking forward to seeing what is in store for me in 2016. 

Don’t forget to breath when you are being challenged mentally, physically, or spiritually.  Breath so you can take the next step forward.  Namaste.

A Full Circle

November 17th was my second three-month follow-up with Dr. Jewell in New York City.  It was a great visit.  I avoided the subway and walked all over the midtown/ uptown areas the whole day.  I feel the subway takes away the chance to see the city.  I had a blast racing to beat the predicted amount of time it takes to get from A to B according to the map app on my phone.  And I succeeded each time.  I was able to switch to the "New York speed walking mode" easily.  I was able to explore the city a bit.  Each of the past visit was focused on the medical visits that that by the time I was done with the visit, the day was over and it was time to catch the train back home.  An interpreter I met a year ago told me about taking the tram to the Roosevelt Island.  I had been aching to go but kept on missing it on each trip.  This time, I was able to make it happen!  I am including some photos from the Roosevelt Island adventure.

The tram!

View of downtown Manhattan

 This billboard was clearly visible on the tram ride returning to Manhattan from the Roosevelt Island.  "More science, more fear."  Cancer will always be scary, no matter what science says. 

The MSKCC's main hospital. I stayed on the top floor! Penthouse.  Last August when I saw this hospital again, I cried so hard.  This time, I felt different.  It was just like this place has a part of my history that I have come to terms with. 

The universe played some weird jokes on me this past year.  I have always dreaded pap smears. Now I have to do them four times a year for two years then twice a year for the next two years and then finally it's once a year for rest of my life to ensure the cancer doesn't come back.  I thought that I was done with period but still needed pads for my infection wound and surgery #3 recovery!  Now I am finished with pads for good.  I had just accepted that I couldn't bear a child of my own then surgery #3 recovery involved not using the toilet paper but baby wipes.  I had to carry around baby wipes for six weeks.  I was frustrated at first but towards the end, I actually found it very amusing.  I was happy to donate the remaining baby wipes I had left to someone who has a baby who actually needs them more than I do.

The upside of the pap smear this time around was that it did not hurt at all.  The first one in August hurt really bad that it was hard to walk afterwards.  I was hurting the rest of the day.  This time, it didn't hurt.  It was quick and painless.  That was reassuring for me to see that I was feeling much better.  Results came sooner this time.  On November 17th, I made a comment to my social worker about how it took a while before I got the August results.  She said she would follow up with the medical team.  I got results two weeks later.  Still in remission.  All good.

The "swelly belly" has subsided which enables me to do more in the abdominal area.  Last Wednesday, I taught a yoga workshop and I felt so great being able to do yoga with my students.  Last April, I taught a yoga workshop three weeks after the surgery and I could not do much as well as being in a lot of pain.  I had someone demonstrate the poses for me.  I was thrilled I could do the demonstrations this time around.

This past week, I did a lot of physical activity around the house... cleaning up and lifting heavy stuff. I did all on my own and it was nice.  Some friends offered to help during the weeknights but I just wanted to see if I could do it.  I had this strength before this whole rodeo with cancer and the infection.  Yep. I still have that strength although I am out of shape.  I feel great, yet exhausted.  Maybe a massage would be nice.  I look forward to seeing a chiropractor to correct my posture since I learned to sit in a strange position to avoid irritating the infectious wound and later the "hole," which is somewhat an afterthought now.